Saturday, May 7, 2011
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
And what I needed the most..
"People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior moves. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway."
Mother Teresa
Mother Teresa
Friday, April 1, 2011
Who I am.
I am so blessed and thankful for the people who know me and who have stuck around to get to know me. For my friends who have allowed me to show my sensitive self, and continued to accept me, even though I'm not that tough little broad I got out of the car as. You all have allowed me to become who I always was and you have NO idea the amount of love and gratitude I feel towards you all, every day of my life.
For those of you who have been around long enough to know me, and have chosen not to get to know me.. shame on you. I am, for once, standing my ground and forgiving myself, to choose NOT to try and please everyone. I am me. I am a FANTASTIC wife. A FREAKING FANTASTIC WIFE! I stand by my man through hell and back. You realize I said, "stand by," not, "I 'would' stand by," right? That's because I HAVE DONE IT. I love him, through sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, and I will continue to. It wasn't a joke. EVER. It was always real... almost 5 years later, and we continue to prove that to you.
I am not asking for an award. I am not even caring if you agree or disagree (that's over with), but I am saying one thing, and this is it: If you can't love me for me.. and appreciate what I do, then please do not expect anything more from me.
For those of you who have been around long enough to know me, and have chosen not to get to know me.. shame on you. I am, for once, standing my ground and forgiving myself, to choose NOT to try and please everyone. I am me. I am a FANTASTIC wife. A FREAKING FANTASTIC WIFE! I stand by my man through hell and back. You realize I said, "stand by," not, "I 'would' stand by," right? That's because I HAVE DONE IT. I love him, through sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, and I will continue to. It wasn't a joke. EVER. It was always real... almost 5 years later, and we continue to prove that to you.
I am not asking for an award. I am not even caring if you agree or disagree (that's over with), but I am saying one thing, and this is it: If you can't love me for me.. and appreciate what I do, then please do not expect anything more from me.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
It's hard.
Let's face it... deployments are HARD. Even the strongest military wives you know, have hard, and awful days. There are days when you can't imagine peeling yourself off of the couch. There are days when the children just will not cooperate. There are days when dinner gets burnt and hair just won't do what you want it to. There are days when the dog poops on the best rug in the house and the cat claws (and ruins) a chair your grandmother gave you. Then there's those days when your tire goes flat, or your car won't start... your dishwasher broke and your toilet overflows.
Face it, life is hard; Deployments are harder.
There are good parts too, though. There's "you" time. Sometime that us military wives, so RARELY get. The time when you put the kids to bed and sit on the couch, and you literally have NOTHING to do. It's a beautiful thing. You can watch a movie that your husband never wanted to. You can release your stress through a blog (hi!), you can read a book that you could never concentrate on before...
There's also the bond of military wives. You know, that girl that you barely knew a year ago, but now that you're both going through a deployment, you've realized your sisters at heart. You can relate to each other on almost any topic and you call that person the second you have ANYTHING to say, to ANYONE. You share your happy thoughts, negative thoughts, anything you want, and they don't judge you, because they have things to share with you too. Yea, those are pretty amazing parts.
Over the next 8-10 months, I plan on sharing my ups and downs and all of the in between during a deployment. I hope that it helps me to release some of my stresses and that it helps you all realize we're all alike, and we all deal with the same horrible, crazy, fantastic emotions.
Military Wives are sisters. We should start acting as them. :)
Face it, life is hard; Deployments are harder.
There are good parts too, though. There's "you" time. Sometime that us military wives, so RARELY get. The time when you put the kids to bed and sit on the couch, and you literally have NOTHING to do. It's a beautiful thing. You can watch a movie that your husband never wanted to. You can release your stress through a blog (hi!), you can read a book that you could never concentrate on before...
There's also the bond of military wives. You know, that girl that you barely knew a year ago, but now that you're both going through a deployment, you've realized your sisters at heart. You can relate to each other on almost any topic and you call that person the second you have ANYTHING to say, to ANYONE. You share your happy thoughts, negative thoughts, anything you want, and they don't judge you, because they have things to share with you too. Yea, those are pretty amazing parts.
Over the next 8-10 months, I plan on sharing my ups and downs and all of the in between during a deployment. I hope that it helps me to release some of my stresses and that it helps you all realize we're all alike, and we all deal with the same horrible, crazy, fantastic emotions.
Military Wives are sisters. We should start acting as them. :)
Day 2.
Yesterday we said our "see ya's." The kids did great and even I did good. I was shocked with our strength and our boldness. Braelyn really surprised me. I think, though, after a morning of tears and being upset, she was just too exhausted to give anything else when he actually boarded that bus. And poor little Camdyn, he just cried because daddy was getting on the bus... then I told him what a cool, big bus that was.. and he was just really excited. :) He keeps coming up to me and telling me that daddy is on the, "biiiiiiggg bus." Sooo freakin' cute. I came home last night and after getting the kids bathed and in bed, popped open a bottle of wine, thanks to my dear friend, Tara. It was suuuuper yummy, too. Before I knew it, I was relaxed enough to go to sleep..and ta da, here I am...
:) Now, if we can just zooooom through the next few months like I zooooomed through last night, that'll be great.
:) Now, if we can just zooooom through the next few months like I zooooomed through last night, that'll be great.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Tomorrow....................
Well, here we are. Our last day together.
Unfortunately, half of it is being spent apart, because he's running some stuff to the guys at the port. Once he gets home, I imagine, we'll just sit around and act as if it's another day. And it's Sunday, so of course we'll be watching ARMY WIVES & COMING HOME. Tonight is THE episode we have all been waiting for.... Any guesses as to who is passing away? I'm torn between Chase and Jeremy... IDK. I'm definitely interested in who it will be and how it will affect the rest of the shows.
Anyway, back to the main topic.. tomorrow he leaves. Our daughter is having one hell of a time, dealing with this. The 1st time he deployed she was 3. She didn't know what a deployment was. She didn't know how bad she would miss him. So it was much, much easier. The 2nd time around was short and sweet, and he went to Haiti. She did "okay," I guess because I kept reminding her, he'd be home much sooner than last time. Now, here we are, and she is 6 years old. She's much more aware of our family life and what her daddy does. She knows now, what a deployment is, and that the reality of this is, she may not see her daddy for 10 months or longer. She told me herself, she's older now and she knows how bad she's going to miss him. She cries periodically throughout the day and it hurts, because truthfully, there's absolutely NOTHING I can do. It's just a sad situation. I wish there were some way that I could make it easier for her, but we all know there's none. Fortunately, Camdyn is only 2, so he really has NO idea what is going on. I'm no naive enough to believe that it won't affect him though and I know there will be days that he cries for daddy, too. Military wives, really DO, have the hardest job. I don't pretend to think my husband has an easy one, because I've said a million times, I cannot imagine being the one who had to actually walk away from my family. But being left here is not an easy task. On top of missing my husband, paying the bills, and taking care of the children, I have to look at their sad, empty faces, and try to explain to them why daddy isn't here, in a manner that is appropriate, obviously. It's just hard. I guess there's not much else to say today. There will be plenty more to come, though.. I'm quite the blogger during deployments.
Unfortunately, half of it is being spent apart, because he's running some stuff to the guys at the port. Once he gets home, I imagine, we'll just sit around and act as if it's another day. And it's Sunday, so of course we'll be watching ARMY WIVES & COMING HOME. Tonight is THE episode we have all been waiting for.... Any guesses as to who is passing away? I'm torn between Chase and Jeremy... IDK. I'm definitely interested in who it will be and how it will affect the rest of the shows.
Anyway, back to the main topic.. tomorrow he leaves. Our daughter is having one hell of a time, dealing with this. The 1st time he deployed she was 3. She didn't know what a deployment was. She didn't know how bad she would miss him. So it was much, much easier. The 2nd time around was short and sweet, and he went to Haiti. She did "okay," I guess because I kept reminding her, he'd be home much sooner than last time. Now, here we are, and she is 6 years old. She's much more aware of our family life and what her daddy does. She knows now, what a deployment is, and that the reality of this is, she may not see her daddy for 10 months or longer. She told me herself, she's older now and she knows how bad she's going to miss him. She cries periodically throughout the day and it hurts, because truthfully, there's absolutely NOTHING I can do. It's just a sad situation. I wish there were some way that I could make it easier for her, but we all know there's none. Fortunately, Camdyn is only 2, so he really has NO idea what is going on. I'm no naive enough to believe that it won't affect him though and I know there will be days that he cries for daddy, too. Military wives, really DO, have the hardest job. I don't pretend to think my husband has an easy one, because I've said a million times, I cannot imagine being the one who had to actually walk away from my family. But being left here is not an easy task. On top of missing my husband, paying the bills, and taking care of the children, I have to look at their sad, empty faces, and try to explain to them why daddy isn't here, in a manner that is appropriate, obviously. It's just hard. I guess there's not much else to say today. There will be plenty more to come, though.. I'm quite the blogger during deployments.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Warrior Wife
Hypothetically speaking, I've got my war paint on, my head ready, and I'm screaming a "battle cry." We're at the final point. The last days before I watch him walk away... and I am READY. I hate all of the emotions that I have to go through to reach that point, but now I'm like a Bipolar girl - in Manic mode, ready to EFFING go!
Reading all of the news articles related to my husband's deployment and where he's going, get me eerily pumped, instead of worried or sad. And I can only think to myself, "GET 'EM BOYS!"
My only options right now are to suck it up or let it suck me up.
We all know what I'm going to do. :) It's on.. let's GOOOO.
Reading all of the news articles related to my husband's deployment and where he's going, get me eerily pumped, instead of worried or sad. And I can only think to myself, "GET 'EM BOYS!"
My only options right now are to suck it up or let it suck me up.
We all know what I'm going to do. :) It's on.. let's GOOOO.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
The last days.
The final countdown of days, heading towards deployment, promise to try you in every way possible. They're a living nightmare. So many emotions aren't welcome in the human body and can drive you absolutely insane. You love, you fight, you hold, you push away... grrr... I hate when we get to the point, where it's just like, "DEPLOY ALREADY!" Get away from here, so I can start missing you.
Stupid effin' deployments.
Stupid effin' deployments.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
I will watch him walk away. (I'm sure I'll continue to add to this.)
FOR THEM
My children will cry and I'll hold them and attempt, unsuccessfully to dry their eyes.
I'll pretend desperately, to be okay, as I die inside.
I'll hide my fears, my wants, and my needs, and hold OUR children as they try to understand why.
I'll fake knowledge to answer the questions that pour from their tiny mouths.
I'll get up at all hours of the night to hold an aching 6 year old, who can't face one more day without her daddy.
I'll try to understand that our two year old son is confused and hurting, but doesn't know what is going on.
I'll cook for 4 and throw away enough for 2, because my appetite will die along with him deploying.
I'll keep a neater home, because he won't be around to dirty it up.
I'll kick myself for ever complaining that he left his boots in my way.
I'll learn to change a flat because I'll get one.
Anything that can go wrong, will.
I'll learn to cut the grass and do it later than I should, even though I fussed at him for the same.
I'll pretend that he's beside me in our King sized bed at night, and cry, because I know that he's not there.
I'll have awful dreams and literally, be still inside until I hear from him.
---
I write this for all of the wives, because as different as we all are, our emotions are all the same and very real. It's a very rigid reality that we are going to be on our own, for a long time. Luckily, we have the resources that are offered to us and great friends, who can relate, because let's face it.... even our closest friends from where we're from and even our families can't console us right now.
My children will cry and I'll hold them and attempt, unsuccessfully to dry their eyes.
I'll pretend desperately, to be okay, as I die inside.
I'll hide my fears, my wants, and my needs, and hold OUR children as they try to understand why.
I'll fake knowledge to answer the questions that pour from their tiny mouths.
I'll get up at all hours of the night to hold an aching 6 year old, who can't face one more day without her daddy.
I'll try to understand that our two year old son is confused and hurting, but doesn't know what is going on.
I'll have to print a picture for our daughter to take to school, to post on the deployed parent's board.
I'll have to take her to the park, or Chuck E Cheese afterwards, to hope she forgets for just a moment that he isn't home and won't be for a long time.
FOR ME
I'll cook for 4 and throw away enough for 2, because my appetite will die along with him deploying.
I'll keep a neater home, because he won't be around to dirty it up.
I'll kick myself for ever complaining that he left his boots in my way.
I'll learn to change a flat because I'll get one.
Anything that can go wrong, will.
I'll learn to cut the grass and do it later than I should, even though I fussed at him for the same.
I'll pretend that he's beside me in our King sized bed at night, and cry, because I know that he's not there.
I'll have awful dreams and literally, be still inside until I hear from him.
---
I write this for all of the wives, because as different as we all are, our emotions are all the same and very real. It's a very rigid reality that we are going to be on our own, for a long time. Luckily, we have the resources that are offered to us and great friends, who can relate, because let's face it.... even our closest friends from where we're from and even our families can't console us right now.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Where have I been?
Sorry I haven't updated. I have been dealing with a sick munchkin. My little guy has spent 3 days in the hospital, fighting a nasty virus and dehydration. I promise I haven't gone any where. He should be getting discharged today. As a matter of fact, he should be getting discharged within the hour. ;) Crossing my fingers!!
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Cupcake goes to the vet tomorrow.
Update: CUPCAKE never made her vet appt, due to the above post. We will be rescheduling and I can guarantee, the corresponding story will be a great read. ;)
It's her first time. And I expect her to be a whiny little turd. The only time she ever was put into her cat carrier, was when the furniture store delivered our bed. They had to leave the front door propped open, so we put her in her carrier, on our daughter's bed (her favorite spot any way) and the little diva, dang near killed herself, and her carrier, trying to get out. Tomorrow should be interesting, to say the least. =D
Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.
-----
Well, I think this question is sort of vain. But it's part of it, so I suppose I'll give it a go. I absolutely love that I can look at all views of a situation and be as unbiased as humanly possible. I am not a "black and white," opinion type of person at all. I see all grey areas and try to open up others to it and help them realize a reason for why one thing is one way, and another is another. It's hard to explain. But yep, that's something I really like about ME.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Why not?
I saw this on a fellow bloggers blog and figured it'd be a great thing to do, because for at least as long as it lasts, I will not go a day without at least blogging something. =D
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Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't HATE, but definitely dislike the way I over analyze things. I dislike that I get horrible anxiety if I'm not in control of something, or if something doesn't go as planned. It's awful.. I am working desperately to fix it, or over come it. I am not a huge fan of meds and my OCD and anxiety are in full blown, crazy lady mode lately - so NEEDLESS TO SAY, it's been an interesting few weeks.
-----------------
Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't HATE, but definitely dislike the way I over analyze things. I dislike that I get horrible anxiety if I'm not in control of something, or if something doesn't go as planned. It's awful.. I am working desperately to fix it, or over come it. I am not a huge fan of meds and my OCD and anxiety are in full blown, crazy lady mode lately - so NEEDLESS TO SAY, it's been an interesting few weeks.
Fill In The Blanks Saturday
1. The TV show/website that I watch/read that I would be embarrassed to tell anyone about is Honestly, nothing. I am usually on a news website, email, blog, or FB. I read up on photography, parenting, debating. Nothing embarrassing. =)
2. An item of clothing that is worn and torn but that I love far to much to throw away is My cami. It's pink and it belonged, originally, to a friend named, Beth. She always said it was her favorite and one day I borrowed it, literally at least 7 years ago, and I've had it ever since. It's too small now and has holes, but I can't get rid of it.. it's so comfortable.
3. My grocery store impulse buy is Magazines.
4. This question was about work and co-workers. Obviously, doesn't work for me. =P
5. One thing in my life that I could give up, but never will is Chocolaaateeeee.
6. A little indulgence that I have is Candles. I cannot live without them .
7. The junk drawer/area in my house is in the kitchen, under the microwave. It's full of EVERYTHING .
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